Listen assholes, and by assholes I mean you the readers; I’ve never heard of this ‘Grindhouse’ business before Quentin Tarantino started using the word in every other sentence during his Kill Bill press. In fact I half suspect this is something that Tarantino and Rodriguez just made up.
So whatever it is that’s being paid tribute to here, I don’t know what it is. I have no idea if this is a faithful recreation of the supposedly epoch defining phenomenon or more of a hokey send up or whatever. So if you’re reading reviews looking for the “scoop” on that, look else where.
As a member of the general viewing public I was a little late in the game on catching ‘Grindhouse’ at my local non-grindhouse theater which is a multiplex where something called Meet the Robinson’s was playing in the next room. I’d been consciously avoiding early reviews and spoilers least my impressionable mind be influenced but nonetheless I’d been privy to the general scuttlebutt which was that the movie was a mixed bag and a bit of a disappointment. The rumor on the street was that Rodriguez’s ‘Planet Terror’ was a fun but forgettable action movie meanwhile Tarantino ‘dropped the ball’ because he’s a ‘hack’ and his movie ‘Death Proof’ is ‘self-indulgent’ and also ‘a boring piece of shit’.
That was not exactly the reception I’d been hoping for what was for me at least arguably the most anticipated movie of the year. Usually I’m one to tell the naysayer’s to fuck off when it comes to my beloved favorite movie directors. But Grindhouse is a bit of an exception; this was a movie sold as being the ultimate in crowd pleasing technology. If the crowds weren’t pleased that probably meant something went wrong.

So my expectations were lowered going in and movie opened on a note that had me worried. I’m talking about Machete staring Danny Trejo. This is just a 5 minute trailer stuck at the beginning. But director Robert Rodriguez had been making a lot of noise about this trailer for a lot of time. He made it out to be big deal and I swear to god it that in the Grindhouse trailers that I saw Machete got more screen time that Death Proof. It wasn’t terrible but it was pointless. It was so obvious that its point had been made before it even started and it padded the rest of it’s run time with stunt cameos’ including Cheech Marin as the shotgun packing priest. It was a one joke trailer and adding insult to injury there was the ‘authentic looking film scratches’. Aftereffects is a great program, it’s got a handy little filter you can apply to your video clips to make them look all old timey. It’s a fun feature to play around with, however when applied on top of cheap video it tends to look a tad inauthentic. Some might say it looks less like worn out film and more like a cheap filter applied on top of some hastily shot video. If this was a taste of things to come then I could expect tears in my future, my own sour tears of disappointment as my heart broke into a thousand pieces.
Have I impressed upon you that this was a highly anticipated FILM EVENT for this cinema fan? They got a lot of shit but in different ways both Tarantino and Rodriguez are two of my very favorite film makers working today. Hell, I’ll up the anti; these guys are my heroes. And if I can’t count of them to deliver a good time at the movies then I don’t know what this world has come to.

So it was with great trepidation in my heart that the credits for Planet Terror began to roll but the flick won me over pretty quick with Rose McGowan’s go go dancing. The Grindhouse look in the main feature is a big improvement over the Machete trailer. From the colors to the camera set ups, to Rodriguez’s’ grindy score it pretty faithfully recreates the aesthetic of a cult flick circa 1975 only with wall to wall CGI and Bruce Willis cameos. The movie also doesn’t hesitate to include modern touches like PDA’s and the rest.
I have to say this wasn’t quite the film I’d been led to expect. I was expecting wall to wall titty thrills and creative dismemberments all punctuated with some amputee Gatling gun action.
But the movie’s actually more of a slow burn in the beginning. This is an ensemble hostile invasion flick. They’re calling it a zombie movie but the one I thought of most immediately was George Romero’s Crazies. It may seem like nitpicking but these particular ghouls are definitely not zombies. Sometimes they talk and carry on conversations. On one particular occasion a ghoul uses a handheld buzz saw to dismember a victim and then walks away, no interest in eating anyone. So say what you will about this film but don’t call it a zombie flick.
In the great tradition of low budget hostile invasion flicks this movie sets up a whole bunch of characters in different situations eventually bringing the survivors together for one epic stand in a fortified area. One thing has to be said about Rodriquez. When we talk about his strengths as a film maker most people would probably list his ability to shoot a film quick and under budget (fun fact: Grindhouse will be his first feature to not turn a profit on theatrical release), his jack of all trades, one man show process, his independence and autonomy from the studio. I’m sure even his detractors would admit the guy has a knack for creative and memorable action scenes. But Rodriguez also has a real gift for a assembling for terrific ensembles for his films. And I’m not just talking about the obvious example Sin City either. Once Upon A Time in Mexico probably takes the all time award for best cast ever. Mickey Rourke and Johnny Depp in the same movie? Fuck yeah!
Planet Terror continues the tradition. McGowan as a stripper, Michael Beihn as a cop, Josh Brolin as a creepy villain, Bruce Willis as a commando. It doesn’t break the mould of typecasting but it’s nonetheless an impressive cast. Plus Mike Parks, Naveen Andrews of lost (I’m pretty sure that’s his real accent), a malicious set of twins as “the crazy baby sitter twins” and Freddy Rodriguez playing against type as mysterious bad-ass who never misses his shot. Freddy Rodriguez is no one’s fist choice for the role but he does what he can with the role. I’d go so far as to say he brings a charming idiosyncrasy to the role. He’s the bad-ass anti-hero who gets carded at the bar. Anyways, I hear he looks taller in person.
What’s good about Planet Terror is the stuff Rodriguez always excels at, moments of sublime action transcendence. There are some truly inspired moments of cringe inducing grueling gore and manic sadism. Many of them featuring Josh Brolin and Mary Shelton by far the movie’s best subplot.
Also for you kid haters there’s a great moment of infanticide which I will dare say is the best moment in the whole bloody shebang, two movies and four trailers included. I was just thinking the movie wouldn’t have the balls to go there and then it up and went there.
But it’s not all awesomeness. First of all it needs to be said that in a movie presented as the latest in salacious entertainment, where one of the main characters is a stripper (er.. go go dancer. There is a difference); there is no nudity in this movie and that’s a bit of a cop out.
Next, the movie is a fun time but it is about a third too long. This is movie sold on the merits of Rose McGowan with a machine gun leg, by the time the gimmick makes its appearance I was done with the movie.
Finally, what could’ve been the films crescendo of dementedness is intervened by one of Tarantino’s trademarked cameos that just about sinks the whole endeavor. He is literally not a screen for a contiguous second before he’s comparing Rose McGowan to Greta Garbo or whoever it was. I thought this guy got over his acting bug ten years ago, but apparently not. The only bright side is that you’re likely to be distracted from his bad acting by surprise at all the fat this guy has accumulated on his face and neck area. I think he might have fallen down a fat hill to look the way he does.
If I were a rating man I’d give the Planet Terror three mayyyybe 3.5 stars out of four.

Skipping over the three insterstitial trailers except to say that everyone agrees that the Rob Zombie one is the weakest and you can take that to the bank. That brings us to Death Proof.
A while back there was a persistent rumor that Tarantino was looking to get himself involved in the Jason / Friday 13th franchise. Obviously the deal never went anywhere because a) it’s completely stupid and b) it was probably made up to begin with. But my point is that I think that’s what we’re seeing here QT’s very own take on the slasher genre.
This is a whole different beast than Planet Terror, it’s slow paced and takes it’s time. You’re certainly not over come by titillating salacious thrills. Some people will translate that as “this movie’s boring”, these people are wrong.
Now, I may’ve mentioned that I’m a big fan of Rodriguez but Tarantino is a film maker in his own league. He’s a guy who’s constantly making me fall in love with him all over again. So when the talking and girl time starts right out of the gate there wasn’t a doubt in my mind this was going to be something special. In fact I have to say that these three girls are among my very favorite Tarantino characters. Vanessa Ferlito is beyond hot and acting legend Sydney Poitier as alpha female Jungle Julia is a classic Tarantino heroin.
I just don’t get some people, “oh god (ugh…) Quentin Tarantino dialogue, this is boring”.
Fuck all of those assholes. Since when is Tarantino dialogue not something to get excited about.
The thing about the Tarantino dialogue is that on the page it reads pretty awkwardly. But on the screen it comes alive. Say what you will about the guy but he knows how to use the fuck out of his actors. And that’s what sustains these scenes. I guess there’s no point in even justifying it, either you get it or you don’t.
Suffice it to say that it take about half an hour for Kurt Russell to make his appearance and he doesn’t enter the way your expecting with guns blazing. There’s no huge entrance where he kicks in the door and lays down the law. No, Kurt Russell’s character, Stuntman Mike, is something altogether different. When we first meet him he’s sitting off in the corner, shoveling nachos into his maw while Eli Roth and his friend laugh at his expense. He’s an odd one. An over the hill lothario, awkwardly drawing attention to himself, unsuccessfully hitting on girls. And he can hear them laughing at them as he walks away. He has a brittle façade of self confidence threaten to crack. And underneath the façade we have reason to suspect the worst. All the off tilt mannerisms that make you uneasy this guy’s got in spades.
It’s been said that the movie picks up as soon as Kurt Russell arrives. Even though I like the beginning I have to agree. In Kill Bill Tarantino mastered the martial arts scene. Here he masters the car movie. Specifically he stages what just may be one of the great movie car crashes of all time and follows it up with a car chase that was so good I couldn’t even believe it was happening. That’s the thing about Tarantino, he’s got an ability to take the same old stuff and reinvent it. Not just so it’s as good as it’s ever been but so it’s like you’ve never seen it before. That’s why it bugs me to hear others complain about the guy “stealing” from everybody. Way too much is made of the dept Tarantino owes to previous generations. He’s ‘thefts’ are simply about paying respect to film, history pure and simple. Scorsese and Spielberg are constantly repurposing the old ideas of the masters for their own films and no one ever says anything. Well, Tarantino deserves to be held to the same standard.
Now right in the middle of the movie Tarantino takes a big gamble. Our initial heroines dispatched he starts the movie over again with a different set of girls. This is about 2 and half hours into the 3 hour opus and honestly it’s understandable if your patience is tried at this point. Plot wise the start over doesn’t make a lot of sense either.
I’ve read a critic (I don’t remember who it was) make the point that the second half of Death Proof is like the unfortunate sequel to a slasher flick. Where the plot is basically a retread of the original and the random bits of continuity are adhered to while others are thrown away. That’s as good an explanation for part two as any I can come up with.
A lot of arguments have been made on either regarding the wisdom of this attempt to relaunch the double feature. Personally I stand somewhere in the undecided middle. As much as I loved Grindhouse, especially Death Proof. It didn’t quite live up to what I felt I’d been promised, especially Death Proof.
Out of four stars I’d want to give Death Proof a perfect four for it’s moments of sublime genius. But there’s a nagging resistance. The film’s structure doesn’t make a lot of sense in retrospect. It’s a bunch of greatness stranded in the middle of a mess of a movie. Always entertaining while it’s happening but never shaping up as a satisfying whole to fulfill it awesome promise.

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